
Title 



Class n.JtiSMX- 
Book.]^l.3„GLX„ 



Imprint. 



<**J 



*v- 



* 




GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW AND BRADSHAW. 

Pak. No, come back, sir ! 

Pag. Omitting in his head again between the cloak and tl* 
great-coat.) I'm very much obliged to you! (disappears.) 
* Page 13. 



No. XLLL. 

THEMINOR DRAMA 

EDITED BY F. 0. WEMYSS. 



GMMSHAW, BAGSHAW, 
AND BEADSHAW. 

21 Jara, 

IN ONE ACT. 



BY JOHN MADDISON MORTON 

MEMBER OF THE DRAMATIC AUTHORS' SOCIETY. 



NEW- YORK ; 
WM. TAYLOE & CO., 16 Park-Placb- 

BALTTMORE, MD,: 
WM. & HENRY TAYLOR, Sun Iron Buildings. 






First performed at the Theatre Royal, flay market. Tuesday ,. 
July 1st. 1851. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



Grimshaw, - 

Bagshaw, - 

Bradshaw, - 

Towzer, (a Sheriff's Officer.) - 

Fanny Sparks, (a Milliner.) - 

Emily, (Towzer's Niece.) 



Barnum's Museum, 
August 1851. 
- Mr. Hadaway. 
" Parry. 
; < Wood. 
" Thompson, 
Miss Mestayer. 
Mrs. Rogers. 



Burton's Theatre. 

1851. 
Mr. Burton. 

" Russell. 

" Gourley. 



Miss Chapman. 
Miss Emma Taylor. 



Time in Representation^ Fifty Minutes. 



COSTUMES. 

GRIMSHAW. — Black Oxonian coat, drab waistcoat, nankeen 
trousers. 

BAGSHAW. — Plaid Trousers, snuff-colored coat, blue waist- 
coat, large drab overcoat. 

BRADSHAW.— Modern suit, light drab paletot. 

TOWZER. — Long brown great-coat, boat hat. nankeen trousers. 

FANNY SPARKS. — Chintz muslin dress, flounced ; purple silk 
apron. 

EMILY. — Pink muslin dress. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Deo* $ 

S. E. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance ; C. Centre. 

C. D. Centre Door, 






i 



REMARKS. 



This is one of those happy little trifles peculiar to Morton's 
style of dramatic composition, which will have its ephemeral 
popularity, be acted, be laughed at, and be forgotten. There is 
the old story of « a shocking bad hat" which forms one of the 
principal sources of amusement, changing its owner to suit the 
purpose of the author. Then, to use Grimshaw's own words, it 
" rains a shower of men and women," running the hay through 
closets, concealed panels and beds, causing ludicrous mistakes at 
every change of position, proving the author to be a thorough 
master of his art ; in fact, no writer of the present day understands 
the stage effect of tableau, aided by dialogue, better than Morton; 
and the auditor who cannot laugh at Grimshaw, Bagshaw and 
Bradshaw, must indeed be a prey to spleen and unfit to associate 
with any true son of Momus. F , c# Wt 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 



Scene. — An Apartment commonly furnished ; ate. a recess, 
in ivhich there is a small French bedstead, with curtains, 
&j-c At i.. c. a door ; at r. c. another door ; doors also at 
r. 2 e. and l. 2e..a small table, chairs, SfC. ; small deal 
chest of draivers ; Grimshaw discovered arranging the 
bed, c. 

Grim, {yawns.) How sleepy I am, to be sure ! I declare, 
I'm almost afraid to wink, in case I shouldn't be able to open 
my eyes again ! {yawns) If the whole human race were now 
standing before me, inviting me with outstretched arms to 
throw myself into them, I should unhesitatingly select Mor- 
pheus as the individual into whose arms I should throw my- 
self ! {yawning again ; then taking pillota, which he shakes 
and thumps.) I wonder what this pillow is composed of? — 
my old landlady says it's feathers — probably she meant quills 
— but I'm inclined to pronounce it chaff. Ton my life ! it's 
rather early to go to bed — only nine o'clock, (flanging his 
watch up at head of bed) Just the time when the majority of 
young men of my age begin the day. But people's tastes 
differ ; besides, after being actively engaged in a perpendic- 
ular position all day long, I am only too glad to indulge in a 
horizontal position at night — especially as I have to be per- 
pendicular again at half-past six in the morning — this is to 
be a chemist and druggist — I mean, a shopman to a chemist 
and druggist — and such a chemist and druggist ! If the shut- 
ters are not down and shop swept by seven o'clock, he turns 
all sorts of colors like the bottles in his window, and addresses 
me in such dreadful bad language, that I really feel some- 
times inclined to knock him down with one of his own pes- 
tles, preparatory to pounding him in one of his own mor- 
tars. I really wonder some ingenious creature or other 
doesn't immortalize himself by inventing shutters that 
would put themselves up at night, and take themselves down 
in the morning I I haven't been to the 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 5 

but I'm afraid there's nothing of the sort there. Now, then, 
for my dressing-gown ! Oh ! I know — it's in this closet. 
{opens door l. a, and shows a closet, at the hack of which a 
dressing- goto n and other articles of apparel are hanging up — - 
takes down dressing-gown^ closing door after him : takes off 
his coat and puts on dressing-gown) There ! and now for my 
slippers — they're in this closet, {opens door of closet, r. a, 
and takes out slippers — closing door) Let me see — where did 
I put the boot-jack? — I shall never be able to get these 
boots off without that jack, {hunting about) A bachelor's 
life has its advantages, no doubt ; but if I was married, I 
should insist on Mrs. G-rimshaw finding that boot-jack — in 
short, I should tell her, that if she didn't, I should go 
to bed in my boots ! Ah ! {sighs) what right 'has a 
chemist and druggist's shopman to think of matrimony? — 
and yet I do think of it, especially when I'm making up 
pills and penn'orths of salts for the poor people ; and I 
suppose that's why I'm always making such dreadful 
blunders ! I can't help it — my mind is always carrying 
me back to last Friday three weeks, when I was induced 
to go to Cremorne to see a man go up in a balloon on 
a donkey. I did go. — there was the balloon — there was the 
man — there was the donkey, — some people said there were 
two donkeys, but I only saw one ; — away they went ; and as 
I stood watching the intrepid aeronauts for a considerable 
period after they were out of sight, it suddenly came on to 
rain in torrents, and I heard a female voice at my elbow ex- 
claim in the most touching accents — u What a fool I was to 
put on my new bonnet !" I turned and beheld a sky-blue 
creature in a sweet young bonnet — I mean, a sweet young 
creature in a sky-blue bonnet. I instantly offered her half 
my umbrella — she thanked me. and took it all. I offered to 
escort her home ; before we got half way, we were such 
good friends that we were actually calling each other 
by our Christian names — Peter and Fanny, — site was Fanny. 
At length we arrived at her place of abode, which, to 
my unspeakable delight, I found to be exactly opposite 
my place of abode ; there was only this one trifling 
drawback about it, that she occupies the front parlor, and I 
live in the two pair back, which may perhaps account for my 
never being able to see her as I look out at my window, — 
nevertheless. I know that she is near me — that the same 



butcher probably supplies us both — that the same policeman 
certainly watches over us both — and I am happy ! That 
being the case, I'll go to bed. Luckily I always sleep like a 
top here — everything is so remarkably quiet ! I never hear 
even so much as a mouse stirring ! {goes toward bed — a 
knocking heard without, r. 2 e.) Holloa ! who can that be? 
(knocking repeated louder} I repeat, who can that be ?— it 
can't be the hot rolls for breakfast at this time of night ! 
(knocking again louder} Well, as I can't imagine who it is, 
suppose I see who it is ! {goes to the door it. h., and half 
opens it) May I venture to inquire — {the door is pushed vio- 
lently open, nearly upsetting G-rimshaw, and Fanny Sparks 
hurries in r. d. 2 e.) A female ! 

Fan. {suddenly stopping, and turning toivard him) Hush ! 
Shut the door ! — quick ! 

Grim, {seeing her) Eh % no — yes — 'tis she — Fanny ! 

Fan. That'll do — shut the door, I say ! (Grimshaw goes 
and closes door r. h., then turns and watches Fanny, who goes 
to door r. c, opens it and looks in) A closet ! — all right! 
{shuts door — then goes to door l. c, opens it and looks in) 
Another closet ! — -all right again ! {shuts door, then goes to 
door l. h.) What's this? a door, carefully and securely 
nailed up ! — all right again ! [crossing rapidly to Grimshaw, 
who has been watching her movements in silent astonishment) 
Now ! {grasping Grimshaw's arm, and leading him suddenly 
forward) Peter Thingummy ! I don't know your other 
name 

Grim, (r.) Fanny Thingumbob! — that's all I know of 
your's. 

Fan. (l.) You are doubtless surprised — I might say as- 
tonished — to see me here — umph ! such a proceeding on my 
part might very naturally make your hair stand on end ! it 
doesn't — but I say it might — now, speak — be candid, and I'll 
listen to you with the patience of a lamb. 

Grim. Well, then, I really must be allowed to observe 
that 

Fan. I perfectly agree with you ; listen to me, as patiently 
as I've listened to you. I watched your landlady out of the 
house — she left the street door ajar — I slipped in — and hero 
I am ! — of course 1 have a motive — a powerful motive ! 

Grim, {insinuatingly) The pleasure of renewing our ac- 
quaintance ? 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 7 

Fan. (sharply^ No suoh thing, Peter ! — I don't know 
your other name. 

Grim. Grirnshaw ! I was christened Peter after my aunt 
Sarah. 

Fan. I have a favor, a most particular favor to ask of 
you. 

Grim. What is it, Fanny ? — I don't know your other name. 

Fan. Sparks ! I was christened Fanny after my uncle 
Benjamin. The favor Lhave to ask of you is a mere trifle — 
will you grant it ? 

Grim. If I can, I will. 

Fan. Sir? (offended.) 

Grim. Very well, then, I will, whether I can or not. 

Fi*N. A thousand thanks ! Are these comfortable lodgings 
of yours — quiet, and all that sort of thing ? 

Grim. Remarkably quiet, and particularly all that sort of 
thing ! 

Fan. That's enough ! (grasping Grimshaw's arm again, 
and in an vender toneto him) I wish to occupy them till to- 
morrow morning. 

Grim. You call that asking a favor of me? I call it doing 
me a favor ! The longer the better, my adorable Fanny ! 

Fan. (leaving him off) Peter, as you are evidently in the 
dark, allow me to enlighten you ! When we first met under 
your umbrella, Peter, you impressed me with the notion that 
you were a very good-natured sort of creature, Peter ; conse- 
quently, Peter, I felt the less hesitation in asking this favor 
of you — am I to occupy your lodgings till to-morrow morn- 
ing, or am I not ? — that's the question, Peter ; do you con- 
sent, or do you not, Peter ? 

Grim. Of course I do — I jump at it ! Oblige me by keep- 
ing your eye on me while I jump at it. (about to make, a vig- 
orous spring. ) 

Fan. (stoppi?ig him) That'll do — now go ! 

Grim. Go? 

Fan. Go! 

Grim. Where , 

Fan. That's your affair ; I merely repeat, Go ! for of 
course, if I stop here, you can't. 

Grim. Pooh, pooh ! a joke's a joke. . I think you must ad- 
mit that when a young woman not only takes possession of a 
youug man's lodging, but turns that young man out of 



8 GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRABSHAW. 

that young man's lodging, the incident is rather a strong 
one. 

Fan. Not at all — surely you can take a bed at a friend's 
for one night? 

Grim. I beg your pardon — I've only one friend in all Lon- 
don, and he's at Birmingham. 

Fan. So much the better, for you can make use of his 
lodgings. 

Grim. No, I can't — he's taken his lodgings with him — I 
mean the key of his lodgings. 

Fan. Then go to an hotel — or, even supposing you have to 
"walk about the streets for a few hours, you'll be more than 
repaid by the knowledge that you are obliging me. (in an in- 
sinuating tone and manner. ) 

Grim, True ! I never thought of that ! What could I 
have been thinking about that I should never have thought 
of that % Miss Fanny, as you very properly observed just 
now, I am a good-natured creature — in short, a good-natureder 
creature doesn't exist ; but I am not a pump — I am several 
degrees removed from a pump; therefore, if you still con- 
template domesticating yourself in my apartment for the 
night, you must take me as one of the fixtures. 

Fan. (imploringly*) Peter ! 

Grim. It's no sort of use trying it on with ;i Peter," {im- 
itating) because '• Peter" won't do, and what's more, Peter 
won't be done ! 

Fan. Cruel, barbarous man ! (sobbing ) 

Grim. Now don't — I'm not cruel — I'm not barbarous! 

Fan. I see how it is — you want me to go down on my 
knees to you ; very well, I will, {about to kiteel.) 

Grim. No, don't ! {preventing her.') 

Fan. (struggling) Yes, I will ! 

Grim. Don't be absurd ! (suddenly and violently) But, 
goodness gracious, if you'd only tell me what you want my 
apartment for ! 

Fan. I will — you shall know my secret — -another time — 
there — now do go ! {offering him his coat.) 

Grim. Well, {aside, as he takes off his dressing-gown) this 
is pleasant — turned out of my own apartments at nine 
o'clock at night — I might say a quarter past nine ' Just like 
me — in short, it's me all over ! {jjutting on coat, then again, 
suddenly and violently, to Fanny) One moment — you'll 



GRIMSHAW, 

pledge me your word of honor as a gentleman, that you are 
getting-up a revolution ! 

Fan. Pshaw ! {offering him his hat. ) 

Grim, (taking it) I'm going ! (stops) By the bye, you 5 ll 
particularly oblige me by not indulging either in pipes or 
cigars — ten-a-shilling, Cubas especially, (going — stops) Might 
I venture to suggest one fond embrace, before we part ? 
(Fanny shakes her head) Then when I come back — let it be 
when I come back, or I won't go at all. 

Fan. Very well, (pushing him toivards door ', r. h.) 

Grim, (stopping) You'll be kind enough to take in the 
milk in the morning, and a penn'orth of watercresses, and — 
that'll do, now I'm off! (stopping) By the bye, if you should 
happen to require any refreshment, you'll find the remains of 
a penny loaf and a jar of pickles in that closet, (pointing 
to door, r. c.) Now I really am going, (aside) but not for 
long — no, no, Miss Fanny, it won't be long before I drop 
down upon you again like a thunderbolt ! (exit at door, r. h., 
Fanny hurrying him out — Peter pops his head in again.) 
If you require the warming-pan, you'll find it under the bed. 
(disappears. Fanny watclws him, then closes the door and 
locks it.) 

Fan. He's gone at last — Ha, ha ! poor Peter, he's a dear, 
kind, obliging little fellow, that he is ! — but now to work. 
(looking about her) Let me see — this must be the closet that 
Emily means, (opens closet door. l. c, and hastily removes 
great-coat, cloak, fyc, which are hanging up at the back, fling- 
ing them on the stage) Ah. yes — here is the sliding panel, 
sure enough, (jntshes it aside, then in a loud whisper) Emily 
—Emily ! 

Emily ('without) Yes! 

Fan. The coast is quite clear, you may venture. 

Enter Emily through open panel — comes on stage through 
door of closet, and shuts %t after her. 

Emtly. (looking about her) Is he gone ? 

Fan. Yes; but first let me replace these things, to prevent 
the discovery of this secret communication- between the two 
rooms. (Fanny and Emily together Jiang the great-coat. ifc. up 
again — they then come forward without closing the door after 
them) So far so well — and now, my dear Emily, thanks to 
my impudence and Mr. Grimshaw's good nature, you are safe 



10 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 



from pursuit for some hours at least ; but tell me, are vou 
quite sure it was your uncle, Mr. Towzer. that you 'saw ? 

IfiKiLT Certain ! there's no mistaking uncle Towzer I I 
saw him leaning up against the lamp-post on the other side 
of the street with his eyes fixed on this second floor, as I sat 
down to breakfast this morning— he was there again when I 
sat down to dinner, and I'll be bound he's there now ' 
ihZfkh ff D ' d iP end u u P° n ifc i there's mischief brewing- 
these Sheriffs officers have such capital noses when they're 
once on the right scent-and yet, now I think of it. that 
room {pointzng towards back at L . c .) you now occupy was 
formerly Mr. Bradshaw's, was it not ( I 

E.mily. Yes. 

Pan. Then it may be Mr. Bradshaw, that Towzer's wait- 
ing tor after all 

Emily Perhaps it is, for when my dear Bradshaw ran 
away with me three days ago, he gave the room up to me, and 
went to lodge in the next street, telling me to be sure and 
lie snug— not even to show myself at the window, till he had 
scraped money enough to buy our marriage license. 

*an. Which injunction you luckily disobeyed, or I should 
not have seen you from my front parlor, and then I shouldn't 
have known how cruel uncle Towzer insisted on your marry- 
ing his son John-a Corporal Major in the Blues, six feet 
tour in his stockings-how you had already given your heart 
to a certain Mr. Bradshaw. and bad run away with him as a 
preparatory step towards giving him your hand— in short, I 
shouldn't have been here to get you out of a scrape, which 
you must certainly and most unquestionably have got your- 
self into ! Now, let's see how matters stand !— you love 
.bradshaw— Bradshaw loves you— uncle Towzer objects to 
.bradshaw— at least, I presume uncle Towzer objects to Brad- 

SHEW. 

EurLY. Yes. though he has never even seen him. 

Fan. Then why does uncle Towzer object to Bradshaw ? 
u -Umily I strongly suspect it's because he doesn't choose to 
give up the three hundred pounds he has of mine ! 

Fan. Very well !— where did I leave off? I know— uncle 
lowzer objects to Bradshaw, consequently Bradshaw runs 
away with you— Towzer discovers your hiding- place, at least 
you fancy so— you beckon to me to come~to you,— I run 
across the street— hear your story— see Grimshaw enter this 



iRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 11 

room — recognize him in a moment — follow him the next — 
prevail on the poor little fellow to find a night's lodging else- 
where — and now. thanks to that sliding panel which you so 
accidentally and so fortunately discovered, if uncle Towzer 
makes his appearance in that room, you'll slip into this ; if 
he comes into this room, you'll slip into that ; in short, you'll 
give him the slip either way. 

Emily. Yes, capital ! and in the meantime, my dear good 
aunt, who has always fought poor Bradshaw's battles with her 
good-for-nothing old wretch of a husband, has promised to 
send me word in case anything of importance occurs, (listen- 
ing, and suddenly) Hark ! 

Fan. There's no danger, I've locked the door. 

Emily. I'm sure I heard a noise. 

Fan. Pshaw ! what of that ? I've examined the room 
thoroughly ; that [pointing to closet door r. h. flat) is a mere 
closet, with shelves ; and that door, {pointing to door l. h ) 
which otherwise might have proved an awkward affair for us. 
is, luckily, firmly and securely nailed up. 

Here the door i,. h. suddenly opens with a loud crash, and 
Bagshaw, ivith a cigar in his mouth, is thrown forward 
into the room. 

Fan. } 

& > Ah ! {screaming and running to r. corner.} 

Emily. ) 

Bag. (seeing tliem — aside) Woman? — the devil! (aloud) 
Hush ! don't be alarmed, ladies, I beg ; and above all, don't 
scream, I implore ! 

Emily. But who are you, Sir? and what do you want, 
Sir? 

Fan. Yes, Sir, what do you want. Sir ? and who are you, 
Sir? 

Bag. One at a time, ladies, if you love me ! 

Fan. } 

& V Sir! 

Emily. ) 

B^g. My name* is Bagshaw — John Bagshaw, a medical 
student, at your service. I live in the adjoining apartment ; 
and find one room not enough, I naturally concluded that 
door led to another ; — the door wasn't disposed to yield — 1 
was determined not to give way, and you — know the rest. 



12 GR1MSHAW, BAGSHA V, AND BRADSHAW. 

Pan. Yes, Sir — and now that you find that this' apartment 
is occupied, of course you'll return to yours immediately ! 

Bag. And leave two such charming neighbors? oh dear, 
no ! you don't know John Bagshaw ! — the fact is, I have a 
favor to ask of you, which, from its trifling nature, I venture 
to consider as already granted. 

Fan. What is it, Sir ? 

Bag. Simply that you will allow me to occupy your apart- 
ment till to-morrow morDing, that's all ! 

Fan. With us. 

Bag. Of course ! Pray don't think of turning out on my 
account. — besides, I'm easily satisfied — I can sleep anywhere, 
and I never snore ! 

Fan. [after a pause of speechless astonishment) Never 
heard such a thing in all my life ! Leave the room this mo- 
ment, fellow, or we'll turn you out ! 

Emily. Yes, we'll turn you out ! 

Bag. Then, I must appeal to your sympathies, ladies. 
Were you ever in danger of being arrested for your tailor's 
bill ? I am ! Eight pounds five — and I've only twelve pounds 
ten in my pocket. 

Fan. Then why don't you pay it % 

Bag. Because, with that twelve pounds ten I've got to buy 
a gold watch and chain for the future Mrs. Bagshaw, Miss 
Amelia Jones — perhaps you know her — a sweet little creature, 
keeps a little tobacconist's shop, a little way up Little Wind- 
mill Street. 

Fan. Then why not change your lodgings 7 

Bag. I do nothing else but change my lodgings ! I've 
changed them seventeen times already in the last six weeks ; 
but the scoundrel sticks to me like my shadow ! 

Fan. Who? 

Bag. The Sheriff's officer ! I saw him just now leaning 
up against a lamp-post on the opposite side of the street, 
with his eyes fixed on the second floor, (crosses to l.) 

Fan. • } 

& > Towzer ! 

Emily. j 

Fan. (aside to Emily) Then he's not looking for you or 
Mr. Bradshaw either, after all. (aloud to Bagshaw) We're 
sorry for you, young man ; but at any rate you can't be ar- 
rested to-night ! 



AW. 13 

Bag. Ah. you don't know Towzer! 

Emily. Don't we. though! (stops on a sign ,f/o?n~F anny.) 

Bag. If he gets into the house before I'm out of it, he's 
just the sort of fellow to go to sleep on the rug outside my 
door, and pounce upon me the first thing in the morning. 

Fan. Nevertheless, you must return to your own room 
again, Sir. 

Bag. No, anything rather tnan that. I'll get under the 
table — hide in a closet — Ah ! (running to closet, l. c.) Here's 
the very thing. Holloa! (moving the great-coat, fyc, aside) 
You've got another room here, why didn't you mention it be- 
fore ? I'm very much obliged to you ! {goes in through panel.) 

Fan. No, come back, sir! 

Bag. (putting in his head again between the cloak and the 
great-coat) I'm very much obliged to you ! (disappears.) 

Fan. Was there ever such a cool, impudent fellow as this 
Bagshaw! (suddenly) Oh! Emily, such a capital idea! he 
knows nothing of the sliding panel, so I'll just shut him in 
(goes into the closet, and quietly shuts the panel — runs out 
again) there — and now, if uncle Towzer has come to look 
for you — he'll go into that room — find Mr. Bagshaw — arrest 
him — take him off — and so we shall get rid of both our tor- 
mentors at once, (a knocking heard at door r. h.) Who can 
this be? (knocking repeated, and the door shaken) Who's 
there ? 

Grim, (ivithout) It's me — Grimshaw — open the door! 
(shaking it again ) 

Emily, (alarmed) Don't do any such thing — what will be- 
come of me I 

Fan. Bun into that room (pointing l. h.) for a minute — 
I'll soon get rid of Mr. Grimshaw — in — in ! 

Emily runs into room l. h., closing tlie door after her. 

Fan., (at door. r. h.) Now, what is it you want ? 

Grim, (without) I've left something of the utmost impor- 
tance behind me. 

Fan. What is it ? 

Grim. I don't know — yes, I do — it's my purse I've only 
got a fourpenny piece in my pocket, and do what I will, I 
can't get a bed at any hotel, including the chambermaid, for 
that! 

Fan. You'll not stop long ? 



14 GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHaW. 

Grim. Not a moment — so open the door — make haste — 
here's somebody coming ! 

Fanny opens r h. d., and Grimshaw runs in. 

Pan. {looking out through door) I don't hear any one. 

Grim Well, to confess the truth. I should rather be sur- 
prised if you did ! the fact is. it was only an ingenious device 
of mine to induce you to open the door. 

Fan. For shame, Sir. to have recourse to an unworthy arti- 
fice to gain admission into my apartment ! 

Grim. Your apartment % — come, I like that ! {suddenly) 
Holloa ! you've been smoking. 

Fan, Pshaw ! leave me. I beg — I implore ! consider my 
reputation ! 

Grim. What's your reputation compared to mine ? — if you 
had only seen the look ray old landlady gave me just now as 
I came m — she's not what you'd call a particularly handsome 
woman at any time, but at that moment she was repulsive in 
the highest degree ; and then, the fiendish grin she put on 
when she said — u I thought I heard a female voice in your 
room, Sir ;" — and then she gave me this letter. {shoioing 
letter.) 

Fan. A letter for you ? 

Grim. There's no address ; but the landlady said it was to 
be delivered immediately to the gentleman on the second 
floor ; and as I have every reason to believe that I am the 
only gentleman on the second floor 

Fan. Exactly. Then why don't you read it ? (Grimshaw 
opens letter) W T hat's the signature ? 

Grim, {reading) l - Soosan Towzer.-' 

Fan. {aside) Emily's aunt ! — the letter was intended for 
Mr. Bradshaw, and she did'nt know that he iiad left the 
house, {aloud) Well, go on. 

Grim. Why should I '.% I know nothing about Soosan Tow- 
zer — I never even heard of Soosan Towzer ! 

Fan. {impatiently) I insist upon knowing what's in that 
letter, Sir ! 

Grim, {aside) She's jealous, I declare! {reading) " Sir, 
I am sorry to say that my husband's nose" — no, no — Ci I am 
sorry to say that my husband knows everything" — n-o-s-e.for 
knows — then all I can say is, that Soosan's husband is a dovil- 
ish clever fellow ! 



GRIMSHAWj BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 15 

Fan. (impatiently.) Go on. 

Grim, {reading) u He has found out where you live, so 
mind your" — what's this ? — ,; mind your peas and" — oh ! your 
p's and q's — p-a-a s. p's — and k-e-w-s. q's. 

Fan. This is what I dreaded ! {walking about.) 

Grim, {following Iter) Now. Fanny, don't take on so — I 
don't know this Soosan — I give you my honor I never tcok 
the slightest interest in any Soosan in all my life, except 
Blackeyed Soosan at the Surre}^ ! Well, since you won't be- 
lieve me. this is no place for me ! {with dignity, and moving 
towards the door. ) 

Fan. Stay ! {aside) Yes. he had better stop — we may need 
his protection, {aloud) You needn't go, Peter ! {coaxingly) 
You wouldn't leave your Fanny ? 

Grim, {aside) Holloa ! This sudden change means some- 
thing. — as Soosan would say, I must mind my a peas and 
kews." {aloud) Of course, where Fanny is there would Peter 
be likewise. 

Fan. {aside) Emily must be made acquainted with her 
aunt's message — but how ? I have it ! I can reach that 
room by means of the corridor, {going towards door r. h.) 

Grim. Holloa, holloa ! it's you that are leaving your 
Peter ! 

Fan. Only for a minute, {hastens out at door, r. h. ? shut- 
ting it after her. ) 

Grim. She says, only for a minute ; then I'll take care 
nobody else shall come in. {locks door) That's a very re- 
markable young woman — she's something out of the common, 
and that's why I like her ; but I confess I should like to 
know why she was so excessively anxious to turn me out of 
my apartment, {suddenly) Good gracious ! she may have 
tad somebody else here ! a favored lover, perhaps, that she 
could'nt receive at home — that'd account for the powerful 
smell of tobacco ! How shall I find out ? I have it — per- 
haps she'll talk in her sleep — for I hope she will go to sleep — - 
I can't keep awake all night. By the bye, where am I to 
sleep? I know — a couple of chairs will do very well — one 
for my head, and the other for my feet ; but then, what's to 

become of my that won't do at all — no, I'll put the two 

chairs together for my no. that won't do either, for what 

shall I do with my head and my feet? — never mind, I'll man- 
age it somehow. I declare I feel quite chilly — I've half a 



16 GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAWj AND BRADSHAW. 

mind to light the fire — we shall be all the more comfortable — 
I ivill light the fire, {opens door of closet, r. h. f., and 
goes in.) 

Enter Bagshaw, hurriedly, through "panel at hack of closet. 
l. c. — comes on stage through door. 

Bag. Towzer's got into the house — I saw him distinctly 
through the keyhole, crossing the passage towards the door 
of that room ! Egad ! it was lucky I happened to see my 
charming neighbors shut that sliding panel upon me as I left 
them, or I should have been nabbed to a certainty ; and now 
I must beg and entreat them not to betray me. Where the 
deuce are they ? they can't surely have gone to bed — I'll just 
take a peep, {advances on tip-toe towards . bed— at the same 
moment, Grimshaw comes out of closet, r. c, with a bundle of 
wood, and shovelful of coals — they meet face to face.} 

Grim, {after a, moments pause, puts bundle of wood and 
shovel of coals on table, then takes Bagshaw by the arm and 
brings him down) Now, Sir ! {in a violent tone.) 

Bag. Hush ! 

Grim. I won't hush ! Who are "you, Sir? what do you 
want here, Sir ? and how did you get here, Sir — in my apart- 
ment, Sir ? 

Bag. Your apartment ? no, no — that won't do — I know 
better. 

Grim. Oh, you know better, do you? ha, ha! [with a 
forced laugh) You're a funny fellow, you are ! I don't know 
whether you're aware of it, but you're an exceedingly funny 
fellow ! 

Bag. You're very kind, I'm sure.' [trying to take Grim- 
siiaw's hand, who snatches it aivay) A relation of the lady's, 
I presume ? 

Grim. The lady's (aside) He means Fanny ! I'll fright- 
en him. {aloud) Yes, Sir, I'm her big brother ! 

Bag. So much the better — then of course you're in the 
secret % 

Grim, {aside) I rather suspecfcl am — Oh, faithless Fanny. 
{aloud and pointedly) Do you smoke. Sir ? 

Bag. Yes — allow me to offer you a cigar ! {presenting 
case. ) 

Grim Pooh, pooh ! {knocking cigar case away.) 

Bag. Then of course you know all about it, eh? {poking 
him in the side.) 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 7 

Grim. It! what? 

Bag. Why, about me and Towzer ! 

Grim. Towzer ? what ! Soosan's husband ! 

Bag. Hush ! he's here — in the house — you'll not betray 
me ? 

Grim. Not I ! Oh, you good-for-nothing Don Juan you! 
By the bye. between you and me. a few lessons in the rudi- 
ments of English Grammar wouldn't do Soosan any harm ! 
(a laud knock at door r. h.) 

Bag. Hush ! What's that ? 

Tow. (ivithout) Open the door! 

Bag. Towzer's voice ! (to Grim.) Where shall I go? put 
me somewhere — Ah ! [rushes into closet l. c, and closes door 
after him. ) 

Grim. He's shut himself up in the closet — he'll be suffo- 
cated to a certainty. 

Tow. {Ranging at r. h. d., and in a loud voice) Open the 
door, I say. or I'll split it into ten thousand pieces ! $ 

Grim, (shouting) Don't be absurd — call again to-morrow ! 
I've just gone. out ! 

Tow. (ivithout, and thumping again at door) Open the 
door. I' say ! 

Grim, (shouting) I'm coming ! I'd better let Tcwzer in — 
I'll soon get rid of him ! (opens door r. h.) 

Enter Towzer. who immediately seizes Grimshaw by the 
collar, and brings him forward. 

Tow. Now, sir, your name, if you please ! 

Grim. Peter. 

Tow. Pshaw! 

Grim. No, not Shaw — Grimshaw I 

Tow. That's near it, but not quite the thing ! Suppose 
we say Bradshaw, eh ? 

Grim. Well, say Bradshaw, or Clapshaw, or Scrimshaw if 
you prefer it ; but nevertheless, it's Grimshaiv ! 

Tow. I know better, and so do you — my name's Towzer — 
you hear. Sir ? Towzer — and now, Sir ! 

Grim. Towzer and Nowzer ? 

Tow. Pshaw ! where is she? 

Grim. She ! (aside) I see it all — he's come after Mrs. 
Towzer, and takes me for my facetious young friend there, 
in the closet. Ha. ha, ha ! 



18 GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW, 

Tow. I repeal, where is she ? 

Grim. Soosan ? 

Tow. No. my niece. 

Grim. What niece? 

Tow. I've only one — Emily. 

GRim. Don't know her. 

Tow. She's here ! you brought her here — you've got her 
here — but you shan't keep her here ! 

Grim. Wait a minute — let's understand each other ; per- 
haps When you say Emily, you mean Fanny. 

Tow. No, if I meant Fanny, I shouldn't say Emily. 

Grim. Well, she said her name was Fanny. 

Tow. Likely enough — where is she ? — produce her ! 

Grim. I can't — she's gone — she's this moment stepped 
out. 

Tow. Gone ! {pointing to table, and showing Fanny's bon- 
net) Stepped out without her bonnet, eh ? Now what d'ye 
say ? 

Grim. Really, you put me in such a dreadful state of con 
fusion ! {pulling his handkerchief out. drops Susan's letter.") 

Tow. Ah I what's this 1 ( picking up> letter) A letter from 
Mrs. Towzer' {reads) Ci Sir, my husband knows everything 
— he has found out where you live" — so. she's in the conspir- 
acy against me too, is she ? but she always took your part, 
Bradshaw. 

Grim, [shouting) Grimshaw! [suddenly) I tell you what, 
Towzer. you're a remarkably pleasant creature ; but strange 
to say, I've had quite enough of you. {takes Bags'haw's hat 
off drawers, l. c , and about to go.) 

Tow. No, no. [snatches hat out of Grimshaw's hand.) 

Grim. Holloa, give me my hat ! 

Tow (looking into hat) Certainly — there it is, Bradshaw. 

Grim, [shouti?ig again) Grimshaw! 

Tow. Of course, you know best, and yet people generally 
write their own names in their own hats. 

Grim. I never do write my name in my hat, Sir — I merely 
put the initial, Sir — G. for Grimshaw ! {looking into haf\ 
Holloa, this is a B ! 

Tow. Yes, B. for Bradshaw! 

Grim. Pooh, pooh ! it's a mistake — this is not my hat — in 
the first place, it doesn't fit me; {putting it on, it is much 
too large for him) besides, if it was my hat, I shouldn't go 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. id 

and serve it in this sort of way. {knocks the crown out with 
a hlow of his fist. 

Tow. It won't do. Bradshaw. 

Grim, {shouting) Grimshaw ! {aside) My mind misgives 
me ! Fanny — I mean Emily — no — yes — /don't know what 
I mean — however, her anxiety to get me out of the house — 
*»er emotion when I read Soosan's letter — Bradshaw's hat — 
the thing's clear ! — I've been imposed upon ! — {seizing Tow- 
zer by the arm) Towzer, you came here for Grimshaw— -I 
mean Bradshaw ! — yo u shall have your Bradshaw, I mean 
Grimshaw — no, your Bradshaw. Just keep your eye on me 
{runs to closet^ ia. a. , and throws door opeii) Bradshaw. you're 
wanted ! I'm sorry for you, Bradshaw, but — (looking in) 
Holloa ! he's gone. 

Tow. {laughing satirically) Is he ? what a pity ! Ha, ha, 
ha! 

Grim, {seriously) This is no laughing matter, Towzer ; I 
saw him distinctly go into that closet — yes, Towzer, distinctly 
into that closet did I see him go, Towzer. Now, as he can 
only have got out of that closet through the keyhole. I repeat 
that this is no laughing matter ! 

Tow. Bradshaw. as I said before, it won't do. Listen — my 
Don John, Corporal-Major in the Blues, six foot four in his 
stockings, is down stairs. I give you five minutes to restore 
my niece Emily to my arms— if you don't, my son John, six 
foot four in his stockings, ruas you through the body. Au 
revoir ! 

Grim. Well, but 

Tow. Au revoir ! I say, remember, five minutes ; or else — 
sword through your body ! 

Grim. But, Towzer, Towzer ! no damned nonsense Tow- 
zer ! 

(Towzer hurries out at door n. h., Grimshaw following 
him, and trying to stop him.) 

Door l. h. opens and Fanny appears, followed by Emily — they 
enter cautiously. 

Fan. {as she enters) They're gone ! 

Emily. If I could only let Bradshaw know what has hap- 
pened ! — here's my letter ; but who's to take it ? 
FiN. I will. 

1.1 N o. no ; I wouldn't be left for the world 



20 GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 

Fan. Then here's the man to do it. (seeing Bagshaw, who 
puts his lieaa in at door l. c.) 

Bag. The coast seems clear. 

Fan. Mr. Bagshaw ! (Bagshaw pops his head back again) 
Mr. Bagshaw. I say — you needn't be afraid — there's no 
danger. 

Bag. (putting his head in again) You're quite sure % 

Fan. (impatiently} Yes, yes ! 

Bagshaw enters, comes doivn c. 

Now, Mr. Bagshaw, one good turn deserves another. Thanks 
to us, you have escaped from the clutches of Mr. Towzer, — 
prove your gratitude by taking this letter to its. address im- 
mediately, (gives him Emily's letter) it's only in the next 
street. 

Bag. Of course I will — you're sure Towzer's gone ? 

Fan. Yes ; besides, he couldn't recognize you in the dark. 

Bag. That's very true, especially as he has never seen me. 
(looks at letter) What's this? — Bradshaw ! — not Bob Brad- 
shaw? 

Emily. Yes. 

Bag. Commercial traveler ? 

Emily. Yes. 

Bag. In the fancy chip and bonnet line % 

Emily. Yes — do you know him ? 

Bag. Know him % we're inseparable ! I borrowed thirteen 
and sixpence of him, five years ago, and I have never seen 
him since. I'll go to him this moment, (going) By the bye, 
the twelve pounds ten I spoke of just now — here they are. 
(pulling out purse) Now if I should run against Towzer, I 
may be obliged to pay him ; Amelia Jones will then be done 
out of her watch and chain, so I'll leave 'em behind me. 

Fan. Very well ; here, put the purse in this drawer, (opens 
drawer, and Bagshaw puts purse in it.) 

Bag. Now I'm off! No message, I suppose — merely de- 
liver the letter ? All right ! (takes his mutilated hat off 
table and puts it on) Holloa! (takes hat off) this can't be 
my hat — it must be your big brother's ! I wouldn't own such 
a thing, (puts on Grimshaw's hat. which is much too small 
for him, and goes towards door, r. h.) 

Fan. No. not that way — you can slip out oy the back stair- 
case, and I'll close the door after you. 



GR1MSHAW, BAGSHAW, A W BRADSHAW. 21 

[Emily, Fanny, and Bagshaw go out at door l. h. 

Enter Grimshaw at door r. h. 

Grim. Towzer sticks to it — he called me Bradshaw no less 
than seventeen times before he got to the street door ; and 
he's in earnest too about his son John, for T looked through 
the keyhole, and saw him — six feet four in his stockings % 
he's ten feet if he's an inch ! The five minutes are 
nearly gone, so I think the best thing I can do is to go be- 
fore they're quite gone. I will — {taking Bagshaw's hat 
off table and putting it oil) Oh! this is too bad! somebody 
has taken my new hat, and left this mutilated tile. I can't 
go out with such a thing as this on my head. I can't have a 
crowd of dirty little boys running after me and crying — 
" What a shocking bad hat !" I have it — I'll shut the door 
and barricade myself in. 

Enter Emily, he crosses behind to r. h., turns and sees Emily. 

— Good gracious ! here's somebody else — ha, ha, ha ! {laugh- 
ing hysterically) It's done nothing but rain men and women 
in my second floor back ! I shall have to walk about with 
my umbrella up. (to Emily) Who are you ? — what do you 
want here ? — how did you get here % not by the door — I 
should have seen you.. If you came down the chimney, 
you'd be black ; who are you, I say % 

Emily. Hush, I entreat ! — hark ! a step on the stairs. 
(runs in at closet, r. c.) 

Grim. Now she's gone and shut herself up among the 
pickles ! (turns and finds himself face to face with Towzer, 
who has entered at door, r. h.) Here's another. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Tow. Here I am again ! 

Grim I see you are, Towzer ; but where's the Corporal- 
Major ? why didn't you bring young six foot-four with you ? 
the more the merrier — ha, ha ! (seizing Towzer, suddenly) 
Towzer, I shall do you a serious mischief — yes, Towzer, in 
spite of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ani- 
mals, I feel I shall do you a mischief — Towzer, will you go 1 

Tow. No, Bradshaw ! 

Grim. He's at it again, (shouting) Grimshaw ! 

Tow. Not without Emily. 

Grim, [shouting) But I tell you that — {stopping — then 
aside) Good gracious ! perhaps that's Emily among the. 
pickles I of course it must be. (her& Fanny, who has entered 



22 GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW, AVD BRADSHAW, 

cautously at door, l. h., crosses behind towards door, r, c, un- 
perceived and listens.) 

Grim. Towzer, you shall have your Emily. 

Fan. {aside) Ah ! 

Grim. I repeat, Towzer, you shall have your Emily, {about 
to go towards door of closet, r. c. meets Fanny face to face) 
Here's another — ha, ha, ha ! 

Fan. {taking his arm) Here I am, dear ! 

Grim, {aside) She calls me dear ! 

Fan. {to Towzer, with pretended surprise) A stranger ! I 
beg your pardon, Sir ; I thought my husband was alone. 

Grim. Husband ? pooh, pooh ! 

Fan. {aside and pinching him) Hush! back me in ell I 
say. {aloud and taking Grimshaw's arm) I'm rather late, 
dear ; but you won't be angry with your poor little Ame- 
lia ? 

Grim. Amelia ! (Fan, pinches him) Affairs are getting 
more complicated than ever ; if this goes on much longer, I 
shan't know my head from my tail ; but never mind, I rather 
like this — {looks at Fanny — then suddenly kisses her) say no 
more — I forgive you — there! {kisses her) I decidedly like 
this — I forgive you again, {about to kiss Iter again) 

Tow. {looking at them suspiciously) Urn ! rather odd you 
didn't tell me you were married, eh ! Bradshaw % 

Fan. {ivith pretended surprise) Bradshaw ! what does he 
mean by Bradshaw, dear % 

Gejm. I don't know — -he will insist upon calling me Brad- 
shaw, though I've been telling him all along that my name 
is 

Fan. {with intention) Bagshaw ! 

Grim. No. (Fanny pinches him) Yes, of course, Bag- 
shaw ! 

Fan. John Bagshaw, medical student. 

Tow. Indeed! Then, Mr. John Bagshaw, I beg to say 
that I've been running after you for the last eighteen months. 

Grim. You don't say so ! Well, as you must be rather 
tired by this time, perhaps you'd like to take a chair. 

Tow. No, thank you — I'd rather take you. {laying his 
hand on Grtmshaw's shoulder, and producing writ.) 

Grim. Take me ? 

Tow. Yes, at the suit of Stephen Stitch, tailor, for eight 
pounds ten. So come along, Bagshaw ! 



GR1MSHAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 23 

Etrim. The thing's clear ! the entire human race is com- 
bined in an atrocious conspiracy against me ! 

Fan. My dear Johnny! (p>retendsto cry.) 

Grim. Pooh. I'm not your Johnny ! 

Tow. There, you've set your wife crying — for shame, Bag- 
shaw ! 

Grim. She's not my wife — I'm not Bagshaw ! 

Tow. Pooh, pooh ! just now you said you were; come, pay 
the money, or come along with me. 

Fan. Yes, Johnny pay the man the money, and let the 
man go. 

Here Emily opens closet door at r. c, shutting it after her — 
crosses cautiously out, and enters door l. c. — shuts it. 

— It's very true you meant to buy your Amelia a gold watch 
and chain, but your Amelia can do without it. So, as I said 
before, pay the man his money. Let me see — I think you 
left your purse in this table-drawer, {opens drawer, and takes 
out Bagshaw's purse) I thought so — here it is — pay the 
money! {gives purse.) 

Grim. Oh. of course ! I'll pay the money with the great- 
est pleasure in the world, {aside) Especially as it isn't mine. 
{to Towzer) How much? 

Tow. Eight pounds five. 

Grim, {gimng Towzer money) There — and now go! 

Tow. Not without Emily — no, no, Bradshaw ! 

Grim. Now, I'm Bradshaw again ! You get eight pound 
ten out of me as Bagshaw, and now you come down upon me 
for Emily as Bradshaw ! Well, you shall have your Emily. 

FiiN. (anxiously No, no ! {tries to stop him.) 

GRim. It's no use ! why not give the man his Emily, and 
let the man go? {throws open door of closet r. c, and in a 
loud voice) Emily, come forth! My heart bleeds for you, 
Emily, but — {looking i?ito closet) She's not there ! {takes 
down a large jar of pickles, and looking in) No, she's not 
here ! [staggering) The house is haunted ' I'm bewitched ! 
(in a pathetic tone, to Towzer) Towzer, oblige me by calling 
in your son John, and desire the Corporal-Major, as a partic- 
ular favor, to run his sword several times through my body; 
for I feel — I feel — oh lud ! [drops suddenly into Towzer's 
arms. 

Re-enter Bagshaw. hastily at door, l. h 



24 

Bag. {out of breath) Wheugh ! here I am again! it's all 
right ! I've delivered the letter, and here's Bradshaw's an- 
swer, which he begged me to deliver immediately — perhaps 
you'll do that for me. for I can't, it's addressed to Towzer. 

Tow. {overhearing') A letter for me ? {letting Grimshaw 
drop, and comes doivn.) 

Bag. Towzer ? the devil ! (runs tip, jumps, on to bed, draw- 
ing the curtains ) 

Tow. {takes letter from Fanny, and reads) ■ ■ Sir — let me 
call Emily mine, and her three hundred pounds are yours." 
(rushes up to Grimshaw, a?id drags him down) Noble, lib- 
eral man ! allow me to embrace you ! {embraces him.) 

Grim, (helplessly) I haven't the most distant idea what 
you're talking about ; but never mind, go it — I'm resigned to 
my fate ! Does anybody else want to embrace me ? 

Tow. Bradshaw. you've conquered ! She's yours, Brad- 
shaw — Emily's yours ! 

Emily, {running out from door, l. c.) Oh, thanks, thanks, 
my dear uncle ! 

Grim. As I said before, I'm resigned to my fate ! {em- 
bracing Emily.) 

Emily. My dear uncle, this isn't Mr. Bradshaw ! 

Tow. No — then who the devil are you, Sir % 

Grim. Whoever you like, my little dear ! the fact is, that 
I'm in such a state of confusion, that I neither know, nor 
care who I am ; but to the best of my belief, I'm not Brad- 
shaw — and I think I can take upon myself to assert that I'm 
not Bagshaw, tho' I have paid his tailor's bill — ■ 

Bag. ( putting his head through curtain) You have ? 

Grim. Holloa! (drojoping again into Towzer's arms — 
then suddenly rushing up to bed) Come out of my bed, Sir ! 
{seizes Bagshaw, amol pulls him out of bed, and down to the 
front ) 

Fan. Yes, Mr. Bagshaw, your debt is paid, and with your 
own money — I believe you will find the account quite correct. 
(returning purse. ) 

Bag. Then my poor Amelia must go without her watch 
and chain after all ! 

Tow. Your Amelia? his Amelia? {points to Grimshaw.) 

Fax. No, not his Amelia, but his Fanny, if he will take 
her for better or worse, (offers her hand to Grimshaw.) 

Grim. Take you? of course I will — better you maybe. 



GRIMSHAW, BAGSHAW. AND BRADSHAW. 25 

but worse you can't — no, I mean — really, as I said before, 
what with Towzers, and Bradshaws, Bagshaws. and Grim- 
shaws, and Fannys, and Emilys, I'm in such a state of con- 
fusion that 

Fan. That I'm afraid you will scarcely forgive me for be- 
ing the cause of it. I can only plead, as my excuse, my 
anxiety to unite my dear Emily to the man of her heart. 

Tow. But where is this man of her heart 2 Where is this 
Bradshaw ? 

Grim. You mean Bagshaw — no, Bagshaw — no — I shall 
* never understand how matters exactly stand ! No matter, 
there's one interesting fact clearly established, you consent 
to become Mrs. Grimshaw. I don't care what becomes of 
anybody else — much as I love them — I don't care one straw 
what becomes of them ! But, as you say, where is this Brad- 
shaw? 

Brad, (who has entered during his speech, being beckoned 
on by Bagshaw — and touching Grimshaw's shoulder) I'm 
Bradshaw ! 

Grim. Oh, here you are ! (embracing him) and how are 
you, Bradshaw ? I mean Bagshaw — no ! it's no use ; I never 
shall be able to understand ! 

Bag. My dear Sir, I give you joy ! {to Grimshaw.) 

Grim. Do you ? then perhaps you'll give me my hat, 
{crosses to Bagshaw) and take your own. (exchanges them — 
slaps bad hat on Bagshaw's head) Come, it's quite early yet, 
so suppose we make a night of it — what d'ye say to a supper ? 
I propose that Towzer finds the supper, (crosses to c.) 

OxMNes. Agreed, agreed ! 

Grim. Carried unanimously ! Don't go and throw away a 
lot of money. Towzer ; do the thing well, but not extrava- 
gantly ; and all I can say is, that if you'll send in the cold 
fowls and the lobsters, I'll sfcand the pickles — that's what I 
call doing the thing liberally — and (to audience) if you will 
only provide a liberal supply of approbation, there won't be 
a happier party sit down to supper in the Haymarket, than 
Grimshaw, Bagshaw, and Bradshaw ! 



G&1M8HAW, BAGSHAW, AND BRADSHAW. 




CURTAIN. 



